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53. Contentment
In a few days school starts again, but this time it’s not going to be like any other quarter at UCI. I’m enrolled in anatomy + lab, which is the first real science class I’ve probably ever had since high school. I’m also petitioning for physio + lab, and next week I’m going to have to attend 4 physio lectures and 6 labs to see if I can add the class. I’m going to be competing with 30 people for each lab…which adds up to 180 people technically. The odds aren’t really that great, but I’ve heard stories that give me hope, and those that kind of discourage me.
As I hung out with some friends tonight, I realized how I’ve been mentally approaching this all the wrong way. After the whole shock of the situation wore off, I think that I pretended I was content with however this ended up. I tried not to even think about it or get my hopes up because I didn’t want to be disappointed. But tonight I realized that my heart and mind are totally not where it should be. Instead of tricking myself to not be disappointed and pretending that I’m trusting God, I should be fully aware that God is sovereign. God is good. God knows whats up. And He knows whether I’m going to get that class, whether I’m going to apply and get into grad school in January…or not. And I need to have faith and the assurance that whatever happens, I will be doing exactly what He wants me to be doing. If it’s to wait a year to apply, I know that God is still good. If He asks me to change everything completely, I know that God is still good.
I also know that God is capable of doing anything and everything, and getting me into a physiology class is piece of cake for Him. His ability to accomplish what I feel is difficult isn’t what I need to be concerned about. God, give me joy in Your plans for me. Increase my faith. Give me peace. You don’t have a plan A and plan B. You have Your plan. And it’s perfect. You give purpose to everything.
